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April: Safe Sexy Tips get LUBED up for summer…
Due to an emergency circumstance beyond her control, Dr. Teresa was unable to join us in Whistler this April. Her entertaining, juicy, straight-talk on sex: The Hotter Sex Talk has been postponed to Feb 2014, just on time for Valentine’s Day!! In the meantime, ski season is rolling into biking and beaching season in Whistler. So, as the layers peel off for summertime, here is the last Safe Sexy Tip for 2013, courtesy of Dr. Teresa, to help keep the ski bunnies hopping all summer long…
WETTER SEX IS BETTER SEX is a great motto for so many reasons. And, while I’m sure we’re all dying for more info on Female Ejaculation, we’ve gotta have at least one teaser to bring you back for next season! As for now, there are a few important things everyone should know about LUBE. So, let’s dive in:
First of all, LUBE is something most women’s vaginas make in copious amounts when a properly chosen person is acting in the right way to make her juices start to pour. This is assuming she feels as safe and sober, so as to be fully consenting. REMEMBER: a staggeringly drunk or uncontrollably giggling “yes” is not consent in Canada! Wait till the next morning for proper consent! It may save a lot of unwanted outcomes.
The yoni–a word I prefer over “vagina”–produces a thick, slippery-slidey, natural lube via its lining, its cervix and the glands near the opening. In previous months, we covered how to get things excited and engorged, and most of it revolves around the mind/brain–our biggest sex organ–and the expansive clitoral matrix–look it up on www.the-clitoris.com! When the mind is at ease, and the erectile tissue stimulated (HINT: the clitoris still the easiest access–keep it moist and INVOLVED at all times!) the slippery juices start to flow. So, please, do not reach for the lube, just to save you vital clitoral time! This is not about making things wet for some other goal. Making things wet IS one of the greatest goals, and an early sign of great success!
So, when do you need artificial lube at all, you might ask? Well, there are enough situations a seasoned lover might encounter that make bedside or back-pocket lube come in quite handy.
For one, women who ejaculate copious amounts (next season, we will cover the Who Wet What When and Why’s of this phenomenon) sometimes actually wash away a lot of the slippery lubricating secretions with the more watery/alkaline squirts and splashes of their ejaculate. This means, she and her lover, need to think LUBE–and likely towels!
Anal sex almost always requires large amounts of LUBE, as the anus is not as prolific as the yoni in its production of slippery wetness. And slippery means a lot of important things, like decrease pain, injury, and abrasions and all that stuff you’d rather avoid, when you’re having fun.
Furthermore, LUBE can be used as part of extended Safe Sexy foreplay, in lieu of bodily fluids, such as saliva, to make things, well, WETTER. For instance, the clitoral head and the glans penis (the head) can be quite sensitive (even hurt!) when dry, and quite sensitive in a much happier way when lubed. Dryness can lead to cracks and tears that increase the chances of bacterial or STI exchange. So, again: WETTER IS BETTER. And use your latex!
So, do you just go to a pharmacy and buy some KY? Or what? I’d say: WHAT! The lubes sold at pharmacies, for some reason this doctor cannot understand, usually contain things I do not recommend for the average yoni. So many women get reactions to the spermicides and other chemicals in these “lubes”. As far as I can tell–and please, industry folk, contact me if you have a better reason!–the lubes sold at the pharmacy are there for spermicidal benefit. In other words, they reduce a person’s chances of getting pregnant–hopefully not only because she won’t be able to have sex for weeks, till a savvy doctor sorts out her achy yoni! Much like for condoms, I recommend Whistler’s Love Nest, Womyn’s Ware, or other savvy sex positive shops for finding something that feels good too, and won’t deter you from sex completely.
CHOOSING LUBE: Do not use oil based lube around latex–the condoms will fall apart. Do not use silicone based lube around silicone dildos or toys–they will eat at each other. Do not use glycerin based lube if your prone to yeast or bacterial infections. Sugar feeds the infections. So what do I use, Doctor?
I recommend water based non-glycerin lubes, preferable without flavor (sugar) such as the Canadian made “O’My!” lube, for use with condoms and silicone toys. I recommend silicone lubes for very sensitive skin/yonis and for the most long lasting slippery feel. “Eros” and “Pure” made the original silicone lubes, and I have yet to find one that matches these in quality, duration, and slipperiness. Don’t buy the “for women” one, as it just seems to be a diluted version of the regular one, so you need more and go through it faster.
Silicone is probably your best bet for any anal play–it’s thicker, more slippery, durable. Slather it on, externally and internally BEFORE you start and add more DURING. If you are using silicone toys for anal play cover them with a latex condom to protect. Silicone is also the one I most recommend for the big ejaculators–you know who you are! If you keep towels beside your bed, you should also have silicone lube there! Watery wetness is not always slippery enough. And slippery is often desirable.
There is a lot of info about lube at your local sex shop, the Love Nest. You can also look online at the lesbian run or woman/sex positive shops like Womyn’s Ware and Toys in Babeland for more information. If you find something you want online, but not in town, tell the friendly folk at The Love Nest!! They are your local resource, and in the business of making your Lovin’ Lovelier. So, ASK them for what you most desire!
Most importantly, I do NOT encourage artificial LUBE as a means to shorten ‘her sex’ (the non-intercourse stuff) for ‘his sex’ (the intercourse stuff). This just makes her a vessel for someone else’s pleasure by skipping the need to prove she’s into it. Don’t do it! And ladies, just say “NO!” to bad sex! You should be getting wet enough naturally! And if you feel there is never enough, it may be time to see a sex therapist. Maybe you have some hang-ups to clear away. Maybe you need some tips about how to ask for what you really need/want. That’s what sex therapists & coaches do! So please address this rather than reaching for the artificial LUBE to “tolerate” sex. Sex is BETTER WETTER, and a naturally-lubed yoni is like an erect penis: a sign of an already good time!
Enjoy your summer! Play safe, ride safe, be safe! Wear your helmets & condoms. See you next winter!
@DrTeresaWood on Twitter